Deep Inside

Deep inside of me is tearing apart and hurting and getting more hurt . Why keep mention the same topic all over again ? Why ? The impact toward me , so big and i can't hold on to it and don't when i can hold on to it . I face this topic , just by crying . I hardly can pass through the hurt and the deep i fall in . I can't get out of there . I just can't . This is too hard to me , i can be in trauma just because of this . Now i'm half way trauma because he want to give it a try . Better ask him kill me or stab my heart if he want to do so because even he do it , it also like kill me . Amanda , cry all you want and i know if i started cry and it won't stop anymore . This really hurt me , perhaps will got lot of scar in my heart . Cry , cry ,cry and i just can't stop crying .

06042011

The date is yesterday date but only today i can update about yesterday story .

So here i go .

Go out with Him , the kiddo . Hee :D We go to our usual hang out place and eat place . Everything is like usual . But still i still have fun and we also have fun but kinda sad we back home so early and that really awkward . But what can we do , the time so limited . Because of that , we spend as much time that we had . By the way , on the way send me home , we gain new experience and is really make us giggle . Only he know what i mean , right dear ? And what hilarious is kiddo wanna pay bills use card credit but the problem is the cafe doesn't accept credit card dear . Haha ! Well waiting for our next date .

Peace out !

Some people don't like to hear sorry or apologize maybe or indeed sorry can't heal anything or something . He say sorry is nothing . Other than sorry , what can we say if we say wrong or do wrong ? I keep wonder , what should say . Do i look like a person who annoying and boring ? Perhaps i need to change my attitude , change into a person who are loving , caring , not annoying , friendly and less sensitive . The old me , make few people unhappy and emo . Once again , i take a big step in changing myself , if got people don't like the change in me , do tell me or critic me because i won't mind and i just want to be a better person . I will quit saying sorry , no more sorry . If right , i will fight and if wrong , i will stay down and keep quiet . Should i love the life i'm living now with my family , my friends and him ? I do love even sometime got problem . I still fight for happiness , i will fight till end of time or world . What he say about me this lately , perhaps is right . I will keep in my mind what he say about me . After this , no more argue or anything that include sad feeling or emo feeling .

No Title

Today , or perhaps this lately surrounding or anything in my life suddenly at up and suddenly at down . Kiddo say that i'm do a lot of thinking or think too much this lately . Sometime , i want to control my mind not to think too much but hard because my feeling drive along and want to think too much . Just because of it , i accidentally add pressure in my heart and mind until i can't hold on until i express my deep feeling by crying . I wanted to express my feeling to kiddo but don't know how , and if i express to family , i won't do that at all i just can't tell . So i choose to keep for myself and it may seem hard but i still keep . I'm still strong to keep the feeling in my heart even sometime it hurt , i try to hold on . I put hansaplast on my heart area , i know is kind of funny to hear this but i really did it . Sometime when kiddo joke with me , i slowly cheer up silently . Even his joke make me sensitive , i try to not keep in heart but sometime i can't . But i will change that , i try not too be sensitive with his joke . He indeed like to joke , but i still like it . Dear , i'm sorry about just now , when you not yet PM me , i haven't finish fill in the form and after you PM me , i still filling not that i won't inform you if i had done filling the form . I inform everything to you , if about fall asleep is accidentally and not my want . I hope you understand , i will also understand you .. I promise .

New Haircut

Before i go into this topic , i must say sorry for being so long didn't update my bloggie and about the challenge i will do it and make it done if i got the chance .

Today in the morning , i been to T2 Studio to cut my hair to have bangs , bangs which is front of my hair . I cut like this because i want to try something different , the hairdresser give me some idea to cut like this so i just give it a try . After done cut , my mom said i look a bit chubby . So on , i send picture to kiddo , kiddo say super duper adorable and more look like chinese . Thanks for the compliment about my new look . Now , its time for me to make my skin color back to it used to be . I just use body scrub and lotion everyday , that's the way i take care my skin . If about face , once a week i use the ginseng peeler gel to remove the dead skin and my face getting better , i guess . Well tune in more with my updates .

He

I didn't meant to make him not in the mood or emo . This is all my fault for making him being like that . I try to cheer him up but hardly can . He's the greatest person for me . And now he maybe don't want hear from me anymore . I will stay out so that you can calm yourself . I wont disturb you . I love you , thats all .

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No more heartbeat , die inside , alive outside .

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Cry my heart out T.T

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It seem that he ignoring me . Oh no , i'm really sorry about yesterday . Perhaps this is the revenge for me . Even he ignoring me , I will wait and never get tired of waiting .

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He didn't reply .

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Hurt Hard , Cry Hard .

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I don't what else I can do beside being patient while waiting for him . If I text him , maybe he won't reply . If I call him , he maybe won't pick up . I'm totally too upsets because of my attitude toward him on yesterday . This is all because of me , is my fault . I just hope that everything back to usual , I just can pray and cry T.T

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Myself

Waiting , waiting and waiting , he still haven't text or call me . Perhaps he busy or his condition still like last night , is okey I understand . My mind just focus about him , worry about him . My self can't stay calm , I feel empty and kinda feel being ignore . But I still wait for him . Oh God , tears keep falling :'(

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Just got call , i'm happy and thought the call is from him but sadly is not from him and is from my best friend .

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Tears and heart pieces .

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Give him space and time . As for me , I wait .

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Forgive my mistake .

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Shatterd .

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Housework done like always . Eat and bath all done . Now waiting for him .

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Morning baby bloggie !

Wake up at 6.30 early in the morning and text him a good morning text . Hope that he will doing fine after he awake . I start my housework by wash the car , clean outside of house , clean my pet and dishes . Last night I sleep for 3 hours only , my mind keep thinking of him . I just can't sleep well but at least I got sleep a bit . Breakfie ? Haven't eat it yet or drink it . Gastric ? Be patient , later I will feed my stomach after I done my housework . My mom keep saying me hopeless and i don't know why . Maybe i'm relly useless .

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Everything not yet fine , don't lie .

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Promise .

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Him

I love him . He's the person that important for me . Now , he upset or emo and is all because of me . I rather no eat and sleep to wait for him to be good in mood again or like usual again . Even he's text kinda cold but I understand why he do so . All I can say to him ' i'm sorry ' I do truly sorry for everything . If I fall sick , I accept it as revenge for what I had done toward you . I mean revenge from God because being a bad temper person . I know i'm not suppose to be so angry and i'm sorry . Gonna wait until your become okey again .

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It's my fault but you deny it . What for ? You sleep tight . I'm sorry , for tonight perhaps I won't sleep at all . I can't sleep if your condition is like that and I punish myself . Once again i'm sorry and don't hate me for punish myself .

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Idiot and stupid .

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Gastric .

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Stab , Hit , Punch , Slap , Kill .

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Do I look important or precious ?

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Happy infront others but not infront me .

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Care ?

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Cold text , can't figure out if he okey or not .

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Stay awake and still waiting .

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Empty

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T.T because own fault .

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He's the only one I love , only him .

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He's everything for me <3

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Waiting for him and won't stop waiting .

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What should I do ?

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Tears falling because sad .

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Day 3 - Five song that you like .

Song , song , song .

Auburn - Perfect Two

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are

Wang Lee Hom - Xu Yao Ren Pei

John Wilson - Before The Morning

4Men - Here I Am

These are my all time song that I like to hear , all these song have the meaning in my life . These song contain my memories . When I happy or sad , I will heard these song . Especially the song for Here I Am and Xu Yao Ren Pei , this two song can make tears fall on my cheek . These song will forever be in my mind and heart .

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Temper

Throw away the temper that I not need . I'm only know make him sad or emo , just because my temper and is all my fault . I'm a spoiler . Dear , i'm sorry for what I had done and say . It's okey if you treat this way or ignore me , I understand and is my fault and not yours . Once again , i'm truly sorry from bottom of my heart :'(

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I'm a moster disaster .

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Day 2 - Six things you love.

One

The first thing i love most is my memories since i was born until know . I do have lot of memories since i was a kid , all of it is sweet memories even now also getting more sweet . I still remember every detail of my memories and i never forget every detail of it . I use my sweet memories to cheer myself up when i feel blue . And memories also do teach some lesson which got advantage for my life . I proud with who i am and having precious memories in my entire life .

Two

Down to second thing will be my cellphone . I can't live without my cellphone , i need it to keep in contact with family , dearest and friends . Where ever i go my cellphone will stick with me , in my pocket or handbag .  Cellphone almost like everything , i need it to make call or send text and will be useful when got emergency .

Three

Count to third thing , it will be my red teddy blanket . Ops , i tell my little secret ! Yes indeed i still need my blanket when bedtime and i'm sound like a baby who need a blanket then only can sleep well . By the way , it was my very first blanket and it's my favorite . I had it since i was a baby , i do love it and i do wash it :D

Four

Bring me to the forth thing , gift from family , dearest and friends . I do appreciate gift from people that i love . No matter from what kind of gift or shape or size , i do take picture of gift and keep in a box . Even the gift is like food or perfume , i do keep it , even the case i also keep . Maybe seem odd to you guys but that's my way to remember gift .

Five

Fifth thing will be my closet . Well ' i'm a girl and i do love and care about my closet . My closet locate in my parents room . Don't ask why . My parents closet got 1 single door and 2 double door . My clothes , outfits , pant full in 1 double door closet , inside of it is all mine . I do have lot of shirt , many kind of shirt , got blouse , dress and etc . I still keep few of outfits when i was baby and kid . I keep it as memories . My closet just full with tee . I love collect different kind of tee and most of it is white and black color . My favorite color is white and that;s why most of it is white .

Six

Sixth and the last thing that i love is my house . I love my new house and without realize i been living at here for one year . How fast is that , i just moved in last year . My house feel cozy for me and comfortable to stay . The most part i love in my house will be my room and the kitchen . I love kitchen because i love baking and cooking . And my room because that't the place where i update blog , texting and calling with dearest .

Day 1 - Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

One

First thing sure will be God , no matter what i do or where i am my mind keep think about God because he's everything , he's the creator of all . I love God the most , nobody can compare self with God . That's all i cay say about God because everybody do know about this .

Two

Second things the most important for me is education , after i finish my SPM and while waiting for the result my dad recommend me to study part time course which is for book keeping . My dad encourage me to go for it , so i give it a try and dad said by learning about book keeping is easier for you to find work and perhaps high salary . The truth is i'm into culinary especially in baking because i love baking and i know how to bake a bit but sadly my parents strongly disagree about that . I just follow what they said because they are my parents and they know what the best for me .

Three

Third things cross my mind is love , i do like love , love make us happy and full of joy . Love doesn't mean love to someone special but also for family love , animal love and etc . As for me , i'm a lover , family lover , friend lover and animal lover . I got family which love me , care me and support me in everything i do . I do have a pet which is a rabbit called Leon but my kiddo called it Getek . I also have friend which support me like my family , i got friend to share story with which is Jie'Jie , Michiko , Chirstine and much more and about friend i been tough to pass through the misunderstanding for last year but till not can't be settle down . Just hope one day , that matter will be settle down . And come to lover , i do have a person who love me for me and love me for no reason that is Adelson Teu , he been so nice for me and he cute for me . Hope that we'll be together till eternity .

Four 

Forth things will be the future , i only can plan for my future but i cannot predict what will happen in future . I keep thinking what will happen with my future will it turn out good or bad . For sure i hope it will turn out good and can make my parents proud of me for being a successful person like they want me to , got a good job , living good . And in present i will try my best to be the best in future , i just can be ready for every matter or possibility that will happen in the coming of time .

Five

Firth things is death , i wonder what is death like and as i know death is making people sad because losing the love one . If death in accident it will more make people sad , because the love one die in tragic way . As for me , i hope i won't die in tragic way , i hope in normal way . And we also can't predict when our time is end . Adelson , i'm sorry for talking about death . After this no more about death .

Six

Sixth things that cross my mind is cat . I love cat so much , but sadly my cat die because it blood being suck out by the insect and i don't know what insect is it . I felt sorry for it death . I miss it too much , i still remember it wait for food beside dinning table with it round big eyes keep stare at me .

Seven

Seventh things will be my bloggie . Everyday i keep think what should i update in my blog because not everyday i got story to tell about my life . That's all i can say .

Hit me with Challenge

Starting tomorrow i will do this daily challenge which got seven days . So tune in everyday , to see what i write towards this challenge .

7 Days Challenge 


Day 1 - Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day 2 - Six things you love.
Day 3 - Five songs you like.
Day 4 - Four things you wish you could say, but might never.
Day 5 - Three things you miss.
Day 6 - Two things you want.
Day 7 - One story of a memory you have

Book Keeping

Book keeping oh Book Keeping .

Yeah , i'm learning that course now but part time . I never expect to go for this course , as my dad ask me go for this course because he said this course easy to find job and if got degree for this course , salary may be high . This course not easy , the more i learn the more getting hard . Hope my brain got enough space to accept all this calculation . If got homework , i hardly can do it but no all . Exam will be on first of June , got four question . Wish me luck , can get 50 marks .

I have a super heavy heart .

He bring my heart wherever he go .

Hachiko ! ='(

Hold my hand , Kiss me by surprise .

I love waking up when seeing i have a text from you , kiddo .

Crying occurs when the body reacts emotionally to something. Tears are a reaction of the nervous system to try and ease our pain, just as we would when physically harmed. The body senses our distress and the cranial nerve in the brain is stimulated, this sends signals to the neurotransmitters in the tear glands to make us cry. These tears contain high levels of manganese and the hormone prolactin in order to reduce the amount of these chemicals in the body, a defence mechanism produced to keep depression away. This is why many people feel better after they cry, because these excess hormones have been reduced and the body is returned to a more stable state. Sometimes we say we can’t cry anymore. Why? Well, if you keep triggering a stimulus, the nervous system stops responding. If you keep pressing on a bruise, after a while the nerves won’t respond anymore and it won’t hurt. If you keep getting upset, the body might not react to it, you might not cry, and you probably feel worse. So if you need to cry, just do it. It might be distressing, it might make you feel weak, it might make your eyes puffy, but it also might make you feel better. 

Picture of Self

Ini muka ordinary .

Ini muka bubu .

Ini muka dengan rambut tutup sebelah mata .

Ini muka sedih and nangis .

What's your daily morning routine?

Texting , Calling , Housework , Driving Lesson and etc .

Oh , ask me :D

I miss you more than anything . I’ve never missed someone so much in my life ;(

I feel lost without you . When you’re not with me , I just don’t know what to do . Things don’t seem real .

I'm scare of being alone but what it turn out i'm used to it .

Get ready for every possibility that may happen .

Get ready for every possibility that may happen .

Bebe oh Bebe , be happy and cheer self up . Everything will be turn out okay . Just be patient .

Tomorrow sleep and hardly can wake up .

System Down

Indeed myself is down , my book keeping homework haven't do yet because got some of question i kinda not understand and need to ask teacher again so i only do one question . I find that book keeping is getting hard and hard and if come to exam , i don't know can i pass it or not . Now , about my driving lesson i already attend four hours so left four hours and yet i haven't learn parking and mountain . Sometime i'm still panic , i hope i can get my car license ASAP . By the way , kiddo already get healthy and he already get his result and now he busy with his stuff . I won't mind if he busy with important things because i understand . While he busy , i only talk to baby blog what i feel and i do . Tonight got class , i hope teacher won't get mad because i didn't do two question that teacher ask . This lately , i feel awkward with my condition , every morning head become super heavy and just like being hit . Oh , what the heck , i'm doing fine , nothing to worry about . Every night , i look up and see sky and star to calm myself down and try to ease away the lonely feeling . I wish i can cry out my heart but i just can't . I smile and laugh because i don't want feel sad . I been keep thinking a lot , i almost think of everything . I kinda feel frustrated and don't know why . I'm losing my mind and i'm killing my mind .

This picture makes me cry so much.

What about the person that has to find your body, surrounded by blood?
What about the terror and pain that they’ll have to remember for the rest of their lives?
What about them having to feel guilty for being “too late” every day of their lives?
What about them holding your body and screaming in agony as they can’t even get the strength to leave you to get a phone to call for help?
What about the depression that you’ll leave them in?
What about them having to walk away, their clothes soaked in your blood and their tears?
What about them yelling at your paralytic body “Please live! I love you! I need you! Please.”?
What about all the tears you’ll cause people that you aren’t even aware of?

What the fuck about them?

Life is so fragile, and we fight for it every day —even against our own hands.
When you kill yourself, you’re also becoming a muderer.
You’re killing pieces of the people who love you.
You’re tearing holes into their hearts that can’t even seal with time.

Feel Heart

I barely to explain what i feel in my heart , my impression may not show on my outer self but deeply inside my heart i feel don't , see i hardly can't tell what i feel and actually i also what i feeling right now . My mind just full of thoughts which is about me and kiddo , there's happy thoughts and negative thoughts but i overcome my negative by being think of the bright side . Nowadays , almost every night i didn't sleep at all just because thinking of kiddo and kiddo is still sick and suffer . That's why , i worry about him , everything about him . I just wish that he will get well as soon as possible because i don't want see him suffer . When at night i didn't sleep or hardly can sleep , all i do is listen to sad song and cry non stop . Kiddo , i'm sorry for being like this , i just can't hold on my tears . I'm really sorry for everything . Everyday i wait for you patiently , i never get tired of waiting . Kiddo be strong and fight the illness . I know you can do it . I love you !

14022011

Today is Monday which is Valentine Day . Today I didn't go out to anywhere . I just stay at home do housework and etc . Actually I didn't celebrate valentine at all , I more prefer celebrate anniversary . Kiddo already sick for one week , he got a bit fever and his stomach always full and where he eat bit direct thrown out . As for me , I can't do anything because our house far away . I'm sorry dear . And you no need to be sorry because we can't go on a date for our first valentine . I won't blame you . Don't worry about me , now is think what to do to make you healthy again . Kiddo don't think or say negative stuff like what you said when we on the phone . Kiddo get well soon .

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Survey Once Again

Do you live in a house, an apartment or other ? 

- House , home sweet home .


Do you have any pets ? What are they ?


- Yes , is a bunny called Leon .


Are you still in school? If so, what year ?


- Finish my SPM and now attend part time course .


What is your favorite food ?


- That'll be LASAGNA . yumyum !


 What is your favorite color ?

- For sure is white color .


Do you believe in love at first sight ?


- Kinda xp

What is your favorite flavor of ice cream ?


- Chocolate for sure .


What is your favorite kind of pizza ?


- Salmon pizza . 


What is your favorite school subject ?


- Mathematics .


What is your favorite book ?

- Twilight Novel .


Are you afraid of heights ?


- Sometime yes , sometime no .


Can you swim ?


- Not really , i just now how to dive . LOL !


How many siblings do you have ?


- Include me , all three .


If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be ?


- PARIS , the city of love !


Have you ever texted while driving ?


- Never ever . 


Do you believe in God ?


- Yes , i do believe .


Do you prefer the beach or the mountains ?


- I more prefer the beach .


Are you right or left handed ?


- I'm a Righty .


Are you wearing any jewelry ? If yes, what ?

- Ring and Magnetic Bracelet .


What is your favorite day of the week ?


- That will be Saturday .


How old are you right now ?


- Eighteen but not official yet .


Are you happy with your life ?


- Super duper happy :D

Extra Awesome

Today the weather rainy rainy and the environment kinda cold . At 10 in the morning , kiddo come and fetch me to go for a badminton . As soon we arrive , we direct go inside and see got empty court or not and glad got empty space so we play for an hour . After half an hour , kiddo start not feeling well and feel want to thrown out and we take a break or rest . Kiddo face look not well and he say his body cold , of course he look not well because he sick . After feel well a bit , he still want to play so we decide to play after then the same thing happen . As for me i massage his arm and warm his ear . After he feeling well and can drive , we drive to Kubota Square to have lunch , we decide to eat at Relaxing Cafe , after order food , he say he got stomachache . And then suddenly he okay again . Next , we go to Giant because i want to buy credit for my cellphone , he not follow me , suddenly he talk through speaker and saying " wo ai ni , mwah " and me totally shock . OMG ! I just laugh and laugh about it . He really indeed stare my eyes which i hardly can't stare back .

Entire Family Dinner

Tonight is entire family chinese new year dinner at Golf Club . Actually there not much talk about and in the same time i keep take picture of the food since i love food so much . The adult , order at vegetable , which call peria in malay . When it arrive at the our table , we didn't touch it or eat it . Only the adult eat it , by the way adult and teen and kid sit at different table . The adult sit together while the teen and kid sit together and for sure our table .   Later the food picture will upload ASAP , the internet line is real slow like a snail .

First Day of CNY

Today the first day of CNY , still got the chance to update . Well today not really busy actually , just went to dad cousin house and aunt Donna house , all eat eat eat . HAHA . Today i got snap few picture of me , and for fun . Just now , i accidentally fall down and hurt my right knee and if kiddo know for sure he will say " Don't know how to take care ownself " Don't worry dear , i'm doing fine . Just mini hurt . While at dad cousin house , got one dog which fluffy , make me just wanna hug it , it name is Ball Ball . Odd and unique . HAHA !

Heart

Thank God , everything is turn out fine . Glad enough now , we decide not to think about it . At future then only decide . Everything is fine now .

Thinking

For the whole day i been thinking . What will he do after this . What he thinking right now . Which decision he will choose or made . In the same time i been waiting for his answer , and i also afraid . Currently i just listen to this two song Hyun Bin - That Man and 4Men ft Mi - Here I Am and sing my heart out . I'm still waiting for his text , wait patiently . Just now , glad got Yanie who accompany me and i can share with her and she keep give advice for me and i appreciate her for what had she done . At least i got someone to talk to , i been hold my tears from the whole day , i just can't hold it anymore but i can't show my sadness in front of my family . Now , i will fight for our love and i will try everything i could and if he still can't , i decide to let him go . And i know this real tough for me to do so , what for if he can't . I rather deep hurt and fall deep into the darkness . Now , what i eat or drink , i can't taste anymore . All i can feel is my heart , and me keep hit my chest and i feel my heart had been pull out of my chest . Did you know how hurt is that but silly me i don't mind at all . The more i say , the more i sad . People at outside see firework and i didn't go out and see . What for i go and see , i can't feel happiness anymore . All i feel is sadness and empty-ness . My face start to become pale , and inside of me is dying . I didn't take my medicine at all . I don't care anymore , all i care is him him him . Now it seem that , i'm no anybody for him anymore and i accept it because family do come first and i respect about that . Even he didn't tell me his answer yet , it's obvious that he forcing himself to leave me . Before he tell me the answer , better i'm the one let go and get lost . I almost reach at end , this mean is the end of me .
 Adelson if you reading this and your answer is not like what i said , do tell me because i'm still waiting .

Falling

Last night , he call me awhile and we start to text and the way we text is not like we usual to , in other meaning didn't LOL and etc . Last night text was real awkward and hurt because of that i cry all night long till now i still want to cry but i just hold my tears . I wish i won't face this kind situation but myself already know one day i will face this situation that i can't deny . I think the solution for this condition and i got it but i don't know how to tell him how it's work . Until now both of us still feel empty and don't know how to describe our feeling for now . The problem between is our different will be an obstacle and maybe will be family objection . This is real tough for us . In case i need to get hurt for the second time , i take decision to shut down my facebook , twitter and everything except my blog . I refer to stay in darkness where people can see my real faces and emotion . And now i already deep hurt , i fall too deep which i scare no one will catch me indeed no one will catch me . While i'm typing this story , i cry and cry , i just let my tears fall and no one will wipe my tears , is okay . Even now i use the hand plaster , plaster my heart and i know that won't heal my heart . I'm feel like dying people , i didn't eat well and drink well and last night i didn't sleep at all . I'm not torture myself . I'm taking decision may will lead to good for him and the decision that i only know . Adelson , i'm sorry for everything and for making my own decision . It may hurt myself but i don't care anymore . I'M SORRY .

Nothing

There's nothing else i can do and say . Actually i already apologize about last night and everything that needed to be apologize but it seem that he still didn't reply my text or answer my call . That really seem that he ignoring me ,  all day long i been holding my cellphone to check if there a call or text from him but none at all but still i wait for him . While waiting my mind pop out a lot of thought of negative but i defend it by thinking positive and being patient . If really he still ignore me , i understand and what to do after that . I try not to let my tears fall but i just can't do so . Is been wonderful being with him and be part of his life , i appreciate everything about him and us . That all i want to say and nothing much to say . Goodbye bloggie .

CNY is around the corner

February almost arrive , then chinese new year in 2 more days that's mean angpau come come .For sure this year chinese new year not really happening like before used to be because Mayvis family go to Korea and Janice family go to Sandakan . So left Aunt Donna Family and my eldest aunt will come to here at 5 February .   In the mean time  , is become more closer to the result day of SPM . Mine oh mine , time sure past really fast while spending my time do housework and take car license , i didn't go for part time job so i get my pocket money from parents . This year shopping , really really satisfied enough than last year . Now still thinking wanna cut my front hair or not  . Then still discuss with parents about buy a new cellphone . My relationship with kiddo , still strong and full with joy then he almost every night play DOTA . But i won't mind about it , if he want to play just play before play just ask me or inform me . I have new attitude , now i being a real patient person in every situation and i feel totally great . Today went to facial , as i can say is beauty is pain . After done facial , mum fetch me and go to EP , dad and siblings shop at there , in the same time i bump up with Kiddo with his mom . We just chit chat and laugh eyes stare and stare , oh well i miss him damn much , make me wanna go hug and kiss him . He keep say " Why not wear short pant " . Next time , kiddo you will see . All you need is patient like i always do . Stay tune for more story from me . Nights (: