Nightmare

My life is my worst nightmare ever . After the black history , my life is getting more worst . Could it get more worst at present or at the future . I just can't predict my life , boys just love to play me around and fool me around . Yay , i won't get over it but i will get used to it and guess what i do used to it . In boys eyes i am a doll for them . FCUK for them ! How dare you all , believe me you guys will get pay for what had you all done to me . I won't revenge for what you guys did , but i let Allah to give revenge for you guys . The feeling of regret won't shown up early but will shown up late . Now you happy and in the end tears falling down . Trust me because i know how it feel . You guys should be a shame , look at yourself so annoying . Once again thank you guys for fooling me again and again . For you guys information , i never ask for sympathy for anyone else . I can live it up without you guys . You guys just a bacteria in my life , so i am gonna kill you guys away . One more thing before i forget , me and boy relationship are officially over , yes is over forever . He lie to me about his status ( relationship ) Don't want to talk about it . Lastly me and boy are over .

BabyBoo

Last night i went to bed on 1:30 a.m. , i know is late . In the morning i wake up on 8 a.m. early right . So i didn't get enough my sleep and my eyes is getting an eyesbag just like a panda eye . Boy said ever cute if i be like that . Hee =D I am gonna get rid of my eyesbag , by get enough of sleep . Today is Sunday , is kind of bored for me because my baby boy not wake up yet so can't text with him . So i just stay at home with my little sister , i watch tv and she playing game in lappy . I just don't know what to do , such a bored day . In the morning and afternoon , i didn't eat much or drink much . I am so tired but i don't go to take a nap . I don't know why , freaky right ? *sigh . In the evening , me and my family go to aunt house to give back her blanket . Then , baby boy call me but sorry i can't answer your call because got my parents . After that , we start to text message and i told to baby boy that i will dinner at Pizza Hut then baby boy said wanna meet for 5 minute or more and i said okey . After i arrive at Pizza Hut , i text him . So i go to outside to meet him but my brother follow me , So we meet in his car , his face so chubby . Just make me wanna bite his cheek . Gggrrrr ! He go for a spin at town , we started to talk and talk . While my brother go to buy phone credit , he immediately hold my hand , i just shocked at that time . His smell , i still can smell on my hand , so soft . He is so sweet . Even we just meet for a couple minute but i appreciate it and glad that can meet with him . If can tomorrow i wanna meet him again but in the evening . I miss him damn much ! I love him damn much !

A Guy Name Boy

He's the one name Boy . He's older than me for two year . Even we didn't know long each other but it seems like we easily work it out i mean chat , talk , understand each other and something else . I glad that because i know a person like him . Hard to find a person like him . For me , he the kind of sweet boy , caring , loving and a honest person . From his look , his at the stage of cuteness that what i think and what my heart say about him  . Once again i falling in love . I just can't believe that all of this is true and happening to me . I thought i won't fall in love again but i was wrong . Yes , i falling in love to him . I hope he feel the same way like i do .

 

Speak in Both

OK ! Here we go .
Patutkah seorang kawan tinggalkan seorang kawan lagi disebabkan berkawan baik dengan bekas teman lelakinya ? Bagi saya , itu perbuatan paling tak masuk akal . Saya betul betul geram dengan perempuan itu . Saya sudah bagi penjelasan dan minta maaf biarpun saya tahu saya tak bersalah . Kalau saya yang jadi awak pasti saya maafkan dan tak akan marah marah atau bergaduh disebabkan lelaki . Kalau awak marah-marah atau bergaduh disebabkan lelaki , bila lelaki itu dapat tahu dia pasti jadi bangga . What a stupidity !

Then . .

Si lelaki pula macam kurang ajar . Minta tolong sikit pun tak boleh . Kedua-duanya lupa budi dan lupa kawan .
Bila kamu berdua masih bercouple amd hubungan kamu ada masalah , kamu berdua terus cari saya dan minta tolong . Tapi bila giliran saya kamu lupa kawan and kata saya yang bukan-bukan . Saya tak akan cakap yang saya menyesal ada kawan seperti kamu . Yang saya akan cakap ialah kamu berdua akan dapat balasannya .

E to the N to the D

La fin de moi

F to the U to the C to the K

Hey girl , i am not kawan makan kawan or kawan tikam belakang .
What make you say like that about me ? Me and him just friend is that wrong ?
If you think is wrong just say it out and tell me then i will stop being friend with him .
We been friend together , i won't do things that will make you mad or hurt . 
I am truly sorry .

Rest in peace or ?  My life keep breaking down , some of my friend hate me , mad at me . I don't what to do , i just know to say sorry to them . Arggghhh ! Damn it , let me die faster . I just want to end the pain inside of me . By the way i think my left ear got tumor , i can feel it but i don't want go to check my ear . I rather suffer my pain than heal . My life is meaning - less , you know why people or friend already change , don't know because of what . I can't feel the love from my friend now not like old time .  I feel very down , no one will comfort me , love me , care me . People play me like a doll . Yeah for those people i am a doll not a human being . I didn't realize that some people truly appreciate me , love me , care me . Where can find a person that can love me , appreciate me , care me truly ? Hard  to find a person like that . Still wishing toward the wishing star .

Scare then Scream

Screamo ! School holiday is around the corner , will i enjoy thee holiday ? I don't think so . I didn't have people to enjoy with or spend with . Maybe i just stay at home at hit the laptop and online and blogging , yeah i love blogging damn much . Now i more to blogging now then online at Facebook . Because in Facebook , no one chat with and people ignoring me . Yeah i know i invisible in everybody eyes . Maybe i will lose my friend one by one because i hurt someone feeling for what i said ' better i stay away from your life , because you love other girl and that will hurt me' Because of that he angry with me , he's the first boy i met who is so sensitive than me . I'm totally shock but i accept him as my best buddy . But don't know will he still be my buddy after i said like that but i already apologize to him and he forgive me but after he forgive me it seem that he regret for knowing me , don't want be friend with me , ignoring me . I'm so sorry =( I truly don't want to lose you , supermanjaboy !

This holiday i will go for a treatment about my health in my body . You know people have sickness must go for a medical check up . I know that my sickness is almost got and need not to eat medicine anymore . But just for safety to go for the doctor . No need wish me luck because there will be no one to support and wish me . What a pity girl am i . I hate this but is my idea . i guess ?

Will be anybody can change the way i feel about myself ? I don't think so . Everybody abandon me . Such a pity . Nevermind , maybe i am dying soon that's why people abandon and keep ignoring me .

=(

REGRET - NESS

EMPTY - HEART

BROKEN - ONE

OMG

 BEBE IS TRAUMA .

 BEBE IS TRAUMA .

BEBE IS TRAUMA .

BEBE IS TRAUMA .

BEBE IS TRAUMA .

BEBE IS TRAUMA .

Broken One

Broken one ? Broken heart ?

Yup . I am totally broken now . What should i say and what should i do ?

Other people being perfect one or two and i am at here being broken one .

Never thought that life is full pain that for what i think and feel .

I can't feel my heart anymore . I am heartless .

Gonna get eraser and erase my heart .

I realize that my life is destroy forever . I'm totally lost hope forever .

Nobody realize that i am exist in this world . I  know i am being invisible .

I feel damn blue now . All i know is cry .

  But 

I am sick of crying . Tired of trying . Yeah i am smiling but inside of me is dying .

Stick to be flying solo and go solo .

Because i know no one will care about me and no one love me .

I gonna stop hoping magic or miracle will happen .

a broken heart is like a broken mirror .

its is better to leave it broken 

than hurt myself trying to fix it .

it feel like this pain 

will last forever ,

it feel like this hurt

will never go away .


Take me away 
Run me away 
Fly me away 




I choose to be sad rather to be happy ,
I choose to cry rather to laugh ,
I choose to hurt rather to heal , 
I choose to destroy rather to fix ,
I choose to die rather to alive ,
I choose to end rather to start ,






The End of My Soul

Perfect Two

You can be the peanut butter to my jelly
You can be the butterflies I feel in my belly
You can be the captain and I can be your first mate
You can be the chills that I feel on our first date

You can be the hero and I can be your side kick
You can be the tear that I cry if we ever split
You can be the rain from the cloud when it's stormin'
Or you can be the sun when it shines in the mornin'

Don't know if you could ever be
Without you cause boy you complete me
And in time I know that we'll both see
That we're all we need

Cause your the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry


Cause you are the one for me (for me)
And I'm the one for you for you (for you)
You take the both of us (of us)
And we're the perfect two

We're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
Baby me and you
We're the perfect two


You can be the prince and I can be your princess
You can be the sweet tooth I can be the dentist
You can be the shoes and I can be the laces
You can be the heart that I spill on the pages

You can be the vodka and I can be the chaser
You can be the pencil and I can be the paper
You can be as cold as the winter weather
But I don't care as long as we're together

Don't know if I could ever be
Without you cause boy you complete me
And in time I know that we'll both see
That we're all we need

Cause you're the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry
Cause your the one for me (for me)
And I'm the one for you (for you)
You take the both of us (of us)
And we're the perfect two

We're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
Baby me and you
We're the perfect two

You know that I'll never doubt ya
And you know that I think about ya
And you know I can't live without ya

I love the way that you smile
And maybe in just a while
I can see me walk down the aisle

Cause you're the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry


Cause your the one for me (for me)
And I'm the one for you (for you)
You take the both of us (of us)
And we're the perfect two

We're the perfect two

Happily Never After

Hmm . . Where should i start ? Let's start from my life . Here goes my life like a ferris wheel , you know why ? Because my position of my life is a the lower of ferris wheel and i won't be higher any more . People keep tell me to fly or jump higher but i just can't , i already stuck at the basement . Maybe forever i guess . *sigh . After the black history , my life not great enough like i wanted to be . When i get a boyfriend , the relationship can't work out well . I just don't know what the problem but for sure my feeling just being play and fool easily . I think i kind of stupid for being fool and play . Am i stupid ? I don't know .  When i fall in love with someone , the someone already have a girlfriend or fall in love with other girl . That's kind of hurting me but i must get over it no matter what . Nobody truly understand what i feel , if is there someone understand what i truly feel , i will feel so glad but until now no one truly understand mu feeling even my family and friend didn't understand . I appreciate my family and my friend . As the result i make them happy all the time and when they feel blue i will try my best to comfort them . Sadly i only can make people i love and care happy but i can't make myself happy . Behind my smile no one understand . If there someone understand , show to me because i want to know . Even my condition like this , i need not sympathy from someone , i will never ask for sympathy because i am not like that .



Currently listening to Happily Never After by Nicole and Perfect Two by Auburn .

 

 
If could i want to fly away from my life . I suffer too much because few things is killing me deeply until i cry all night long . I can't go on anymore , I begging that take my pain and sickness away from me . When i cry so hard and too long i can't breath on my own but i being stubborn ( My Black Secret ) Every night i keep wishing toward the shinning star to give back my spirit to live happily again . I need someone that truly love me and truly can take care of me . My black history keep haunting me , that's why i stuck in my black history . I can't get out of my black history but for sure no one can save me anymore .I'm will flying solo into the sky .


P/s : Happy for those being perfect two .

Setting ; OFF

Well well well .

I may stop blogging for a while , i'm sorry to say like that . I got few thing to settle with thats why i can't blogging . By the way first semester exam in coming soon and i need to study a week before examination . 

Wish me luck ^.^  

Currently listening to Neve Again by Danny Fernandes .

Trust me this song so deep into my heart . 

Farewell Bloggie =)

Speak Out !

Hello wello mello dello jello =)
Finally , i can online back like always . Last few weeks and month , i move to new house thats why i can't online . Got some interruption , sorry for the problem . When i online at my facebook and email , i receive lot of friend request and notification . Damn it my finger is tired clicking to confirm friend request . *sigh . I got a lot to blog about but i don't know where should i start . Let me start from my new house . Well i already move to new house and not longer live at grandma house . I'm so glad that i can have my own privacy and got my own room but i need to share with my little sister . I paint my room wall with cherry blossom pink is cute . Hee =D . Since when i like pink colour ? Jump to the next story , about school . I got lot of  homework and presentation to do . *phew . I just can't believe that my BFF got that kind of person in her life . Don't want to talk about it , just let it be .
Gonna stop blogging . Later i will update again =)

Shizzo .

Hello wello . I know is been a while i didn't update my bloggie . I been busy with my school stuff . Spm years who know been a busy wusy year . I totally exhausted today and today i didn't go to school because i have to represent the school and go to the police station for celebrate the police day . Yayyy . In the morning the cloud is bit a dark and it's raining a bit . We have to line up in the middle of the rain . My uniform is all wet , on that time i got flu *sigh . I can't feel my shoulder and my knee , because we line up for a long time . Damn hurt and the speech was damn long like newspaper . OMFG ! But glad the weather not hot if not i may pass-out . Next monday , i also won't attend to school because teacher ask me to follow her to JP for the practice of celebrate the  Kadet Polis which will be on 31 March 2010 . Yayyy , i can't wait but this time we need to line up for about 2 or 3 hours . Damn it , i will pass-out just believe me . 

I miss my old friend and my son syafeeq !

Fahman , i miss you sygs !

Choices

Hmm . This lately i keep thinking did i do a right decision in my life and am i happy with my life now ? Sometime the answer is yes and no . I can't stop thinking , wanna share story with people i love but i scare they didn't understand . *sigh . Well look at the bright side , and don't look at the dark side . But i can't see nothing at all . Am i blind ? The most strange feeling and dream is the worst past of my life come back in my mind again , i hate it damn much . I already hardly forget it but it come back again , i didn't ask to come back . But why me ? I already enough suffer for all that bad memory . Oh God , please help me to pass through ! I don't what i feeling right now , i am all white out . You can't feel me and i can't feel you .

Love is in the air

130310

on

12.25 a.m.

we

   speak 

   out 

   our

    feeling

     MOHD FAHMAN

      and

       AMANDA

 

Solo

Hello hello . . . I'm getting real busy nowdays , you know busy with school stuff and my real life , of course .

TOTALLY BUSY !

Well i'm gonna re-organize my schedule for school and tuition . But i am not gonna forget to hang out sometime with my friend . I'm going to be solo , that's for me but don't know for him . I don't love him anymore , he just can't understand , i guess . I'm don't care much , suit yourself but i won't recognize him as my boyfriend . It's over for me . Up to you what to say what or beg me but i am still end it .

                              GOODBYE FOR YOU !

Well going through solo life is not hard at all . I already what the feeling of being solo . But this time i'm gonna enjoy every single of my life . Never missed it . Well for the haters , i ain't care what you talk about me at my back but one thing for sure you guys just make yours mouth tired talk bad about me and make your heart more hurt , i know you jealous with but i don't care . If you skin is dark , just admit it no need to pretend bto have a white skin . I admit that my skin not white . So don't busybody with other people life and go mine your own business .

HATER YOU MAKE ME FAMOUS !
  

THE END

                                      

Away

I'm just gonna do a real quick post .
Please fade away from my life , i don't want to recall back or look back about that moment .  
Stop it . Is killing my heart .
I won't go back anymore no matter what you do .
Last night my parents scolded me about what happen at school , damn that teacher he says bad word or things about me then make my mum so angry at me . I been crying last night until my eyes become smaller .
I call son syafeeq because i knew he will comfort me with his joke and make laugh . I'm sorry because make you wake up from your sleep .

What a hard day

This week is exam week . I don't feel in the mood to blogging like i used to be . I been a tough days , is killing me . The weather is so HOT  i can't stand it , the HEAT of the SUN make me HEADACHE and FEVER . Damn for those still open-burning . I hate when people open-burning , they just keep the earth become more hotter than even , such stupid person . Maybe they didn't think about the effect . Noob =.=" . Well my exam was quiet good but i didn't satisfied with my history paper , i didn't aswer all the question and i SCARE i cannot pass the test . Oh God , i SCARE the way teacher scold . Pray for my best . Yesterday , on the evening i walk back to school from my friend house , got a male teacher scolded me about my shirt , maybe he didn't got brain to think that the weather is damn HOT then my uniform is black in colour . He tell me that he want to meet my parents , just because my shirt . So ridiculous .  Well when i get back to home , i told my mom what happen , at first my mom scolded me , i just sit stood didn't say a word until now . I just keep silent all the time . I already say sorry to my mom but she just ignore me . After that on that night i chat with sonsyafeeq but he laugh at me . I hope he give me some word that will bust up my strength but he make my strength going down . I think i make a wrong decision in my life , hard to say . But everything already too late . Just forget about it . It's over . Myself is getting worse , no thing can save me . I just appreciate every moment in my life until that day .