Happiness

I'm truly happy with my life now . I wish my life will be happy till the end of time . Now i feel better than before because i meet one new friend name Adel . He give me inspiration in life and study . He's form 6 student . We meet on Facebook . We been chat and chat and chat . Quiet fun having a friend like him and he always say me pelik tapi benar and unique . He been a good friend and we move our friendship to bestfriend . I totally appreciate our friendship , wish our friendship never end . He light up my life that what i love about . This year both of us facing big exam , i give him support and he give me support . That what friend do , right ? We been messaging in phone but never heard his voice , i wanted to hear but i scare . LOL ! When i texting with him , sure i will laugh and smile alone till my mom feel odd toward me . Haha . Quiet funny between me and him but only me and him know . Guess what ? I already got back all the pieces of old me . The one that smile and laugh all the time .

Addiction

Back to sleeping pills again .

.

No need to guilty . 

No need to worry .

So Close

Currently listening to So Close by Jon Mclaughin .




You're in my arms, and all the world is calm
The music playing on, for only two..
So close, together
And when I'm with you
So close, to feeling alive..
As life goes by,
Romantic dreams must die
So I bid my goodybe,
And never knew..
So close, was waiting
Waiting here with you
And now, forever, I know
All that I wanted,
Was to hold you, so close...
So close, to reaching
That famous happy end, and
Almost, believing,
This one's not pretend, and
Now you're, beside me
And look how far we've come..
So far, we are..so close...
Oh how could I face, the faceless days?
If I should lose you now..
We're..so close,
To reaching, that famous happy end, and
Almost, believing, this one's not pretend, and
Let's go on dreaming, for we know we are..
So close..
So close..
And still so far...

Confession

Finally , i already confess what i feel toward him . But it's okay if he didn't feel the same way like i do . I'm learning to accept the fate that i can't accept . He give me the best reason , study and facing big exam . Even that i also need to respect his decision . I feel like wanted to cry but i stop myself to cry . I cannot force people . I also don't like to force people . I  knew he is the right one but not like what i expected . So me and him just being best friend like usual . I appreciate our friendship . I know i should not fall in love to him but i just can't control my feeling . He light up my life and make me cheerful inside and outside . I never lies about my feeling and toward myself . With a heavy heart , i accept . Once again i failed . Amanda , be strong . I just gonna keep smiling and being cheerful where things getting better or getting worst . I hate what i feeling right now . Oh God , give me more strength .

IGNORED

IGNORE THOSE PICTURE OF GUY 

THEY NOT MY BELOVED ANYMORE

Riding solo

Yes . The title is riding solo . Wanna know ? No more love in me , i mean love to a man or guy . Hard to find a guy that love me for me and truly understand me . All the time , i being fool by guy but should i be thankful ? I patient enough for being fool by guy . I can't stand it anymore . Why some of guy think girl like a doll that they can play with . I just don't get it . For what they do that ? Such a bullshit . Arrgghh . . I'm tired of this kind of drama , just end it . I can't suffer anymore , i hurt enough , i stress enough . Stop it . Finally , i am solo again . There is no guy left for me , i guess . Maybe i just need to accept with open heart that the fact there is no right guy for me . My BFF already found their right man . Congrats for them , happy for you guys . From now on , i will not going to studio anymore , i'm sorry , PLUR . If i feel i wanted go to studio , i will call . I am just damn lonely right now or forever . All i do is pretend to smile and being cheerful . Yay right cheerful at outside of me but not inside of me . How could my life be so miserable ? I can't believe it . Is everything will be ok ? I don't think so . I didn't need people pity toward me because i never ask for any person sympathy . Never ! I can't find my love . I already lost hope . Just wishing toward the star is my hobby when i am sad . Who gonna cheer me up ? No one . Who gonna love me for me ? No one . I realize that i am all alone from now on . Maybe already my faith to be like this . I just need to accept it .


p/s - Totally sad and lonely =(